*clears throat* Here ye Here ye... women who've put their feelings aside to keep a penis pal around say "I", who's gonna be real enough to admit it? Welp... the sad truth is women settle time and time again for a piece of a man, put themselves on the backend and make men feel as if they are entitled to all women because so many women have proven to be easy... or simply okay with giving a man their way. Ladies it's not his prerogative and it's time to take control!

1. If your friend is satisfying you sexually.... there's a huge chance there's feelings involved on your end. Why ignore your feelings to keep the peace? That's not healthy...
2. What woman honestly wants to just have sex with a man without any commitment..... a hoe maybe. Most women grow up dreaming of a fairy tale ending... a marriage, kids and stability. Friends with benefits rarely turns into that.
3. Sharing penis may work for some people but for most ladies... it's a nah! Let me find out my man is giving out community dick... I just might catch a case.
4. Having multiple sex partners is rarely intriguing to women... but an honor to men! While he's bragging he's had sex with you and everyone else... you're probably investigating on his social networks, getting your feelings hurt.
5. Sexual pleasure is great. But don't you deserve more from a man you lay down with?

Lastly is your friend really your friend? Are you in an open friends with benefits relationship? Can you see other guys freely without him tripping and vice versa? If you aren't... it may be time to make some changes. Now don't get me wrong all of the points I discussed don't apply to all friends with benefits situationships. I'm sure there may be some happy friends with benefit duos out there... but all the ladies I know playing the "homegirl" role are unhappy....

Follow me on Twitter @pattygotcake

If my friends don't reply I'll text them countless times and I especially dont have a problem texting my close family members a million times.... because our relationship is solidified. But a guy that I'm unsure of... meaning I don't know where we stand... I'll be very hesitant to double text him or call him more than once because I fear losing him or being "bug-a-boo".

1. Hit up someone else... there's probably guys that are interested in you that you have been "curving".
2. Look at his social network pages (If he's tweeting, on Facebook, Snapchat or IG) bitch get a clue! HE DONT LIKE YOU.
3. Find a hobby... Chances are you care more about a relationship than yourself. Do something you enjoy.
4. Delete his number. If he likes you he'll text you back, call you or contact you on social media sooner or later. If his phone was broke or some sort of freak accident occurred he'll be sure to reach out to you:
5. If you must... double text him. If his response seems vague or short... he didn't miss you in fact he's irritated you texted him again. Watch out for clues.... sooner or later you'll catch on.

Ladies time and time again we give men who aren't really interested in us chance after chance in hopes that he will one day grow up. We confuse the attention he gives us with genuine interest. We long for a man being wildly in love with us but somehow settle for a few text messages and sex. Just being around a man satisfies our urge to be loved and we ultimately end up selling ourselves short. For many ladies the "thought" of a man being yours has become a viscous cycle. You talk for months, go on a few dates, have sex and he never commits. THE END. All along he showed you signs and you ignored them because you liked him. He told you he wasn't ready, he told you he didn't want to commit. Yet you waited but HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

We have endless conversations with our friends explaining our situationships. We create senarios in our heads that rarely come to past, like spending a lifetime in happiness. When in actuality we're stressed and constantly checking his social media pages to piece together clues about other women. We ask our friends for advice we dont need , we already know we should end the relationship but we hold on in hopes that things will change. Damn us women put up with a lot! But we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Let go and let God. If he really likes you, he'll value you. Let him grow up and continue to do your own thing. Having sex and keeping him around only complicates the situation so gradually remove yourself. Spend time with friends, pick up a new hobby, do anything but run behind him! If he really likes you he'll respect your decision to be his friend with no sex involved. I believe what's meant to be will always be. If you really want commitment find someone who's willing to commit. Keep your options open because there's a huge chance if he won't commit now, you're probably not the one!

-xoxo @pattygotcake

Most of us don't know if we'll leave behind a legacy.... if you find yourself wondering how can I help people and enjoy my job you have not yet found your purpose... and that's ok but it's TIME to unlock your calling!

1. What are you naturally good at?
2. What makes you lose track of time?
3. What makes you happy?
4. What areas are you well informed?
​5. What would you regret not doing?

As I look back over my life alot of things that once mattered are no longer relevant... As a child I didnt realize things change and people change. I was comfortable living in the moment back then, I was my happiest as an adolescent. At 24 years old I often wonder... How can I get back in the moment? How can I live in the present without thinking about the past or the future? Time is not only measured in hours and minutes... it's measured by experience. The act of living itself takes up time.... we're here now, we're experiencing life! I find that I attack myself because I was taught there's a certain way to live and utilize time. Now I totally disagree. The timing of my life has everything to do with a higher power so I've decided to stop taking advice! The reason we believe we're suppose to do certain things, live a certain way, think a certain way is because we listen to other people's advice. As I mentioned, I was my happiest as a child. I dont recall anyone telling me how I should wear my hair, what I should like to do or who I should be. As a child I didn't ask for advice either.... I simply did what made me happy at that moment rather it was writing in my diary, playing with make-up, literally whatever made me happy. There are people who are trained to give advice and they are called psychiatrists. Friends, family and social media dont count! You are wasting your time abiding by other people's expectations. Not all advice is rooted with ill intentions... but are you living for you or them? Time is short. Stop taking advice.

No one wants to believe their negativity effects other people. But your negative aurora may be ruining the vibe in the room. People may dread the presence of you because of your outlook on life We all know a "NEGATIVE NANCY", and if you dont know one chances are it may be you. When a negative, messy, gossiping, unproductive or sinical person enters the room it dampers the mood! Bad energy can drain your productivity... Here's a few ways to
END BAD ENERGY :
1. Share some good news!
2. Stop making EXCUSES!
3. Stop saying the words "CANT" or "BUT". Instead say I can and I will. Speak things into existence.
4. Give more compliments!
5. Before you speak ask yourself "Are my words beneficial to anyone, including myself?
6. Smile
7. Practice good posture
8. Take a little extra time on your appearance. If you believe you look great you'll be happier and more willing to mingle with others.
9. Organize your space at home, in your car and at work.
10. Pray or meditate.
11. Plan ahead. Set goals weekly and work toward accomplishing them.
12. Hang around positive people.
13. Find charity work to participate in.
14. Paint the rooms in your house white or yellow.
15. Eat fruits and veggies.
16. Incorporate a multi vitamin in your diet.
17. Find time to get active.

I'm no relationship expert but while dating, many guys I meet are looking for HELP!!!!!! You would think a MAN would be embarrassed asking a woman for money, food, shelter etc. I'm surely not a sugar mama and you shouldn't be either. Don't fall victim.... Here's a few clues your man may be using you

1. He don't work
2. He drop you off at work in your car and is late picking you up
3. He steal from you
4. Him and His dusty homeboys come over for dinner
5. He over 35 and still persuing a rap career
6. You co sign for everything he owns
7. You take care of his kids and you ain't got kids
8. He won't put you on his social networks because "what's understood ain't gotta be explained"
9. He acts as if penis will compensate for him not paying any bills
10. He won't comply to anything you ask him to do...
11. He's homeless.

Ladies....Stop setting yourself up to be a cutty buddy! You deserve a date! For some reason our generation is satisfied with just "chillin". It usually goes something like this... you and a guy exchange a few text messages and phone calls and you chill at each other's place, right? Normally a chill session will consist of weed, Netflix, alcohol, brief conversation and then someone will initiate sex! It's up to you to put an end to this behavior. Here's a few ways to snag a date...

1. Stop lying to yourself! You know a dog just wants a bone! Get a clue.
2. Ask the guy to meet you in a public place
3. Have some respect for your damn self!
4. Tell the guy when and where you're available to meet up! Your place or his place is not an option.
5. Treat men how you want to be treated. All niggas are not dogs!

Dates don't have to be expensive... The park and Starbucks are my favorite spots! Dates are a great way to see who is really interested in you before you catch feelings.

I've been noticing a lot of post stating "Good girls are single and Hoes get rings nowadays"....

Many of you "good" girls are being GOOD to the WRONG person IMO. Chasing a man that doesn't want to be caught is not being loyal it's called being a FOOL!

YOU CANT MAKE HIM WANT YOU
YOU CANT MAKE HIM ACT RIGHT
YOU CANT MAKE HIM STAY
STOP CHASING HIM

Of course if you're feeding a man, having sex with him, buying him stuff and giving him a place to stay he is going to do just enough to stick around.

No Im not saying be a hoe. But think of it this way... Women who keep their options open have a better chance of meeting a guy who's actually interested in them.


Remember ladies you are the prize and most men are idiots! He'll come back around when it's too late. Let the right guy find you...

It always saddens me to see a woman chase a man. These women clearly don't value themselves and in return the man usually doesn't value them much either..

Sadly it doesn't matter if you lose weight, change your hair color, wardrobe, attitude, etc if he's not into you... He's just not into you.

Now contrary to the popular belief that "it's a mans world" .... it's not!

I've had my share of bae, boo and boyfriends so I'm no relationship expert but from experience and the few men who'll leap, jump, and do whatever I ask here's what I've learned along the way...

1. Don't give it up to soon...Easy puss is not a good look! You for everybody or nah?

2. Make yourself unavailable... Make his mind wonder. Get a life. Everytime he calls you don't have to stop your life to answer!

3. Have a life outside of the relationship...Go out with your girls from time to time if he likes you this won't stop him from pursuing you.

4. Let him be a man...Its okay to want to be loved and be affectionate. Let your guard down. All men are not dogs. If you think men ain't shit... Chances are neither are you.

5. Stop comparing your relationship to others...No relationship is perfect stop bitchin!

Men are pretty simple... So umm just wait on a guy to be really interested in you. Until then mingle and stop focusing on just one!